Matchmaker Wolvie
by I'mYourChemicalRomance
Summary: Logan’s getting tired of Marie’s annoying child like crush on him, so he devises a plan. If he gets her another guy then maybe she’ll leave him alone. But what ensues is something he never expected. Rogan, R&R!


Summary: Logan's getting tired of Marie's annoying child like crush on him, so he devises a plan. If he gets her another guy then maybe she'll leave him alone. But what ensues is something he never expected.

Disclaimers: I NO OWN X-MEN D:

A/N: This story's purpose is for pure humor, I hope anyway. Of course there will be some drama, considering every story has at least some, even the hilarious ones. Hell mine might not even be "hilarious" I just hope it at least makes ya'll giggle. xD Anyway, enjoy~

Matchmaker Wolverine

Chapter One: The Plan

"Hey!"

"What yellow?" I pick up another slice of bacon and shove it into my mouth, my eyes moving away from my paper and towards Jubilee. She should know by now not to bother me in the morning before my coffee has kicked in. Not that caffeine could affect me much, but it helps in its own way. Sadly, when I got down here twenty minutes ago, there was no coffee, not even any grounds to make coffee.

Today was going to be a bad day.

"Um… I have a request…" Oh god.

"What?"

"Well…"

"Spit it out." I stuff another piece of bacon into my big mouth, chewing on it silently. I'm about to go back to reading the newspaper. I'd rather be reading about Alice and how the amazing nine year old created a search party just for her cat, Mr. Cuddles.

"You know the school's annual spring dance is coming up…"

"I ain't chaperonin'" Watching a bunch of kids too embarrassed to ask each other to dance was not on my agenda, _ever. _I'd have to spike the punch, and god forbid if I did that, then Cyke will have to lecture me on supplying alcohol to underage kids when all I'm doing is trying to liven up this boring old place.

"No not that- You should take Roguey!"

What…

Fuck, not again.

"She tell ya' to ask me?" Damn kid can't even ask me herself.

"No! Of course not! But you would look so cute together-"She's a real bad liar, but maybe that's because I can smell lies from a mile away.

"No."

"Wolvie-"

"I said no." I grab one last handful of bacon, one of my hidden beers, and slide the newspaper under my arm before I leave the kitchen. Now you might think I'm being a bit harsh, a bit mean. But if you knew all the hints Marie has been dropping lately you'd get tired of it too. Don't get me wrong, I love the kid to death but… like a sister. And, so you see, it sucks because she's so attracted to me. And I'm not being cocky; by the way, it's obvious.

I didn't notice until Jean pointed it out about a year ago when I woke up on her lab table. From then on I've noticed not-so-subtle hints of Marie's affection. One, she constantly wants to spend all her time with me. That's not so bad, unless I want to go to a bar and find some chick or something. And if I tell her "No" she gets this look on her face like I just murdered her puppy, if she had one. Two, the hints she drops are so obvious it's annoying. Like when she tries to get me to ask her to a movie or something. And sometimes I will, a big mistake on my part, because then she thinks we're on a date!

Needless to say I'm tired of it, and now she's brought Jubilee, her best friend, into it by making the girl ask me to take her to a dance. Even if I was interested, which I wouldn't be 'cause I ain't a pedophile, does a dance seem like my type of place to you? I hate dancing, and trust me, you don't want a three hundred pound man of pure Adamantium and muscle trying to "bust a move" on a dance floor. I'd end up killing someone! Nah, if I wanted to take her on a date it would be something simple 'cause it's hard for me to be romantic, like pizza, beer, and a hockey game or something.

I head outside towards the trail that leads to the stables. I don't plan on riding a horse (even though horse riding comes oddly easy to me) but the trail happens to lead to a nice little clearing by the lake where I can read, eat, and drink in peace. I think I'm going to get away with it to when suddenly, the kid appears.

"Oh! Logan- hey…" She gives me a soft, sweet, smile, a bit of blush covering her cheeks. I wondered what the blush was at first but by now I know why she's always blushing.

"Hey kid." Be nice, Wolverine, she's just a kid. She's sweaty and I remember that she goes for a run every morning before eating breakfast. It was also why she was just wearing a tank-top and shorts. Normally she'd be covered from head to toe in clothes because of her life-sucking mutation but she couldn't do that when she was running, she'd get a heat stroke (I was the one to lecture her on that actually). It was why she would run one or two miles so early, there's less chance of her running into anybody and hurting them.

"I wouldn't go down to the stables, some couples makin'-out in the hay." She makes a face of disgust and I smirk glancing at the stables.

"Maybe a little scare from the Wolverine will calm their nerves, aye kid?"She lets out a light, soft, southern laugh. See, just because she likes me doesn't mean I hate being around her. It's fine and ignorable until she tries to flirt or makes it obvious again. But, I can tell she's too tired right now.

Her hair is matted against her face and I reach out to move it but she winces and pulls away, I hear her heart beat speed up as well. I don't know if it's because I'm touching her or she's afraid I'll hurt her, "Come on, ya' don't gotta' be scared 'round me kid, I know better." She nods but fixes her hair herself.

"I-I know just… habit I guess." I really do hate it when she flinches from my touch. She should know I'm not stupid enough to touch her skin, and even if I did it would take a lot more then a quick brush to kill me.

"Yeah well, I'm gonna' have to break ya' of that habit, huh?" Bad move. I don't have to be a telepath to see her mind instantly working at what I said. I didn't mean anything by it but her little teenage, hormone filled head was thinking I might have meant something else by it. Great.

"Good luck with that." She looks at me and smiles before glancing behind me. I don't know what she sees but she gives me a quick wave before hurrying off. I turn around to see her meet up with Jubilee. Shit, poor girl's going to hear my rejection now.

Not wanting to be in ear shot I hurry to the lake before sitting down and opening the newspaper again, taking a long gulp of my beer. I need a way to get that girl off my back and her thoughts on someone else. She hadn't been so bad when she was with Bobby… That is until he broke up with her to be with Kitty. Little bastard…

Wait…

If she had another guy then maybe she wouldn't have a stupid crush on me. That's it! But who? I mean I might not want to be with the kid romantically but I'm still protective of her. It'll probably be hard for me to hook her up with someone that I think is worthy of her, not to mention I ain't really the best matchmaker but maybe…

I need a woman's touch, some help. Jubilee? Nah, she can't keep her trap shut. Storm? Nah, probably not. Jean! She's perfect; I mean she deals with Cyke on a regular basis she's probably perfect to find out who's good for Marie to date. Not to mention she already knows about her crush on me.

Grinning I down the beer and crush it before chunking it into the trash along with the newspaper. I should probably recycle it but oh well. Quickly I head for the infirmary, where I assume Jeannie probably is.

I pause at the door to the place, a disgusting sight taking place right before my innocent eyes (okay maybe not innocent). Jeannie and Cyke are making out on the lab bed. Clearing my throat I smirk, "And this is where hurt people lay?" I shudder, "That's just disgustin'." Jean jumps and turns around, Cyke glaring as he straightens up and clears his throat. Too late Scooter, I already figured out that ya' aren't mister prim and proper. Actually… It makes me like him a bit more.

"Logan!" Red is blushing furiously now, as she tries to find something to do, the floor becoming quite interesting to her. "W-what um, what do you need?"

I glance at Cyke though my words are directed at Jean, "I need to talk to you alone."

He frowns, "Whatever you tell my fi-"

"Calm down Cyke, it ain't nothin' ya' gotta' worry 'bout."

"It's alright honey, your class is about to start anyway." Jean places a comforting hand on her fiancé's shoulder before giving him a kiss. He gives her a careful look but nods and leaves, sending me a glare.

I watch him leave before looking back at Jean who was giving me a cautious look. Sure when I first came here I was after Jean, flirting with her, trying to take her from Cyke, but not anymore. I gave up eventually, considering she would never leave her, at the time boyfriend, for me and I don't want to be the "other man". Jean and I are just friends now, but part of me thinks she's not completely sure my intentions are still pure.

Can I really blame her?

"This is about Rogue." I reassure, using the girl's alias. I only call Rogue Marie when I'm with her or in my thoughts. It had been a name she had just given me; I don't want anyone else using it but me unless she says they can.

Jean frowns instantly worried, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah she's fine just…" Great, how am I going to say this? "Ya' know how she likes me?"

Her frown stays in place, "Yes… what about it?" She's suspicious of my intention still. Geez, did she think I liked the kid back or something? What, do I scream pedophile?

"I'm tired of her crush and I want to get her mind off of me."

"Oh." Her face relaxes, "What do you need me for?"

"Well yer a woman, I wanna' find some guy for her but I ain't very good at that matchmaker shit so I need yer help." I take a seat in one of the chairs, "She needs someone whose not gonna' be scared of her skin, and who won't pressure her." She smiled, "What?"

"You are so caring Logan."

"Shut it Red, ya' gonna' help me?"

"Of course, I'd like to see her with someone too."

"Alright then." I stretch out my legs before looking at her, "Do you have anyone in mind?

"Well I have one…"

--

There it is! I hope you guys like it so far.


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